Star Wars Emails #17-19

I could probably write these indefinitely, but I’ll stick to the original trilogy as long as I can.

From: Chewie (chewbacca@falcon.biz)

To: teehee@tatooine.net

Subject: Protocol Droid Diagnostic Module?

Date: 3280 LY

I saw your recent post on E-Droid and I was wondering if you could help me out. I’m working on an obnoxious custom-made protocol droid, guessing 200 years old or so, without my usual tools in a stressful situation. The only way to get decent feedback is to keep his head attached with the voice on. Is there a simple diagnostic module on these things I’m overlooking? He is the very definition of annoying, and I can’t tell half the time if I’m making the right connections or giving him an orgasm.

From: YOU STINK (teehee@tatooine.net)

To: DUMB WOOKIEE (chewbacca@falcon.biz)

Subject: JUST LIKE A WOOKIEE

Date: 3280 LY

BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

From: Chewie (chewbacca@falcon.biz)

To: teehee@tatooine.net

Subject: Jawa, Well Done

Date: 3280 LY

I have always wanted to eat a Jawa. Now I have a reason to accelerate my gastrointestinal ambitions.

On Tatooine. Outside Mos Eisley. Yeah. I know what crawler you’re in. Not much room in those hoods for brains, much less network protocols.

Might have to cook our four, five, maybe ten of you little assholes to get a reasonable amount of protein.

Might have to kill three or four times that, just to find the best cuts.

Might go with an open fire, I’m thinking. You on a stick.

I recommend reconsidering your technical support etiquette.

From: Vlipu Q’ehee (teehee@tatooine.net)

To: Chewie (chewbacca@falcon.biz)

Subject: Protocol Droid Diagnostic Module

Date: 3280 LY

That vintage usually has a Holowan diagnostic module placed beneath the TranLang III that bypasses the language circuit.

We are just honest traders trying to make a living. Just a joke.

From: Chewie (chewbacca@falcon.biz)

To: Vlipu Q’ehee teehee@tatooine.net

Subject: Found it.

Date: 3280 LY

Your joke is a lot funnier now. I would work on the delivery.

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