Star Wars Email #2 and #3

Now an ongoing series.

From: Princess Leia Organa (

To: General Obi-Wan Kenobi (

Date: 3277 LY

Subject: I need your help

Years ago, you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present my father’s request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack and I’m afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed.

I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion in the attached DEATHSTARSCHEMATICS.ZIP. It’s encrypted, but my father will be able to open it. And before you ask, his email server can’t handle attachments larger than 1 MB.

You’re really hard to reach. is defunct, and the other address for you that I have – – bounces as it seemingly hasn’t been checked for a decade and it is full of Twi’lek porn beside. BTW, ‘madsaberskillz’ is not a good password.

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope. If you don’t respond soon, I’m going to have to send the goddamn droids.

From: Old Ben (

To: Princess Leia Organa (

Date: 3277 LY

Subject: I don’t recall

I receive many emails daily from princes and princesses from Alderaan, though yours stands out, as you are the only one so far that I can remember that has not wanted an advance payment of thousands of credits for a share of millions of credits hidden in an asteroid field.

I don’t recall ever serving anyone, much less in a war, clones or not. I am just a simple old man living in a desert.

I’m not the General Ben Kenobi you are looking for.

You want to put that encrypted file in a trustworthy droid and have that droid go directly to the person you are looking for.

You want to allow yourself to be captured by the Empire after that.

You want to wait patiently for a short Stormtrooper to rescue you.

I am really getting too old for this sort of thing.

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